Coax and cajole

Coax and cajole are words that we use when we talk about trying to get someone to do something – perhaps something that they don’t want to do. They are both synonyms of “persuade” but we sometimes use them in slightly different ways.

Examples of coax:

• He coaxed the cat down from the tree by putting a bowl of cat food on the ground.
• They coaxed their daughter to go to bed by telling her that they would read her favourite bedtime story.

In these examples we see that “coax” can be quite a gentle form of persuasion.

Examples of cajole:

• I can usually cajole him to do what I want by moaning and complaining until he agrees.
• The manager cajoled the staff to work harder by threatening to reduce their salary.

 “Cajole” can often involve threats and unpleasantness.

Although the two words can mean the same thing, coax might be regarded as more positive and cajole as more negative.

Sometimes the two words might be used together:

• She coaxed and cajoled until he agreed to do what she wanted.

This might be regarded as the “carrot-and-stick” approach. This is a widely used idiom which comes from the idea that you can get a donkey to move either by putting a carrot in front of it or by beating it with a stick. If you use both methods, you are using a carrot-and-stick approach.

Sometimes people go beyond coaxing and cajoling and get someone to do something by coercion.

Examples:

• The bully coerced the other children to give him their sweets.
• He claimed that they coerced him into committing the crime.

We use “coerce” when someone is forced to do something that they don’t want to do.

_{Posted by Graham}

^{Thanks to Yulia for the idea.}